TrUe C o N f E s S i O n S

I'm afraid I'll get hurt again,
that – I will lose control of my emotions,
that – if I trust him he'll use it against me.

Yes, I've been hurt.
Yes, my spirit was destroyed.
Yes, my heart was broken into a million pieces.
Yes, I allowed my soul to scatter throughout the universe.

And yet here I am
Asking the universe for true love
So that I may love myself unconditionally more each day
and when I have stopped searching for myself,
I awaken my spirit once again
and ignite my BLUE FLAME.

I have yet to shine brightly.
I have yet to summon my courage.
I have yet to be unselfish.

Now I let the light through me,
now I let courage fill my lacking,
now I become more giving.

With the world as my mirror
give me the strength to look in the eyes of the man
and--pierce through his soul
and the reflection I long to see be my own.

Addiction

I need L o V e for without it, I am but an empty vessel.

Sometimes I long to know the purest essence of loving unconditionally.
To know that I too, am what you are feeling.
And when it does not happen, a slight pinch occurs in my heart.
An aching so miniscule yet it reverberates all around me.

I cannot pretend that it means nothing.
I cannot lie to myself that I do not need it.
I know that it is only transient in what I am experiencing
and so, I whisper, “I love you,” in silence and depart to the horizon.

Today I learn to love myself more and I know I can be better.
Only when I learn to truly listen to life, will the door open once again.

I am the key.

Full Circle

What I want....

I want to feel the wind in my hair and how the sunlight glistens on my body.
I want the man standing in front of me smiling and his eyes twinkling with mischief.
I want the touch of his hand on my face while his other hand caressing my back firmly.
I want my body to feel electrified just from his stare alone.
I want my heart to race as I try to catch my breath.
I want to feel safe in his arms and as we embrace so tightly, I lose myself in the process.
I want to captivate him as much as he has enchanted me.
I want to feel that aching in my being that this is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Where is he....

I need to stop.
I need to let go and stop searching the world
for in my heart as of this moment
the only person worth searching for is--
ME.

Reflection

Series of thoughts.....

The feeling I am searching for....

is one in which I do not want to miss any more.
Let me close my heart, my eyes, my body, my soul
for when I become nothing, I become everything.

I still yearn in my weakest moments the feeling of being touched to the core.
A soft caress on the nape of my neck from his fingers,
as he slowly runs it down my back.
An embrace filled with so much passion and love
that it pierces through the very centre of my soul.

His eyes staring intensely in mine
and seeing oceans of time passing by.

I can still feel him,
watching, staring, screaming.
In silence he visits in the darkness.
The piercing cries fill my vessel
resonating his pain.

I wake up shivering in cold sweat
shaken and sorrowful I feel.

My guardian once said to me,
watch him closely.
Do not interfere in his awakening.
Let him learn the hard way of rebirth.
The once ragged boy you see will, if he so chooses
turn into the man you see.

So that was when I let him go. I let them all go.
No more shall I want.
I close my eyes again
for when I open them
I look into the mirror and all I see is me.

I stand alone smiling and continue on my journey.