Crossroad

You managed to stir something within me that I wanted to forget.

I remember whistling for your captain's hat as I sailed away to the horizon. Your eyes wary with curiosity and hope, were vividly imprinted onto my soul as I continued a seeker's path.

Once again my guiding light beckons me to return. So here we are at a crossroad. I see a man still trying to find his way. Surrounded by a monotony of meaningless cycles and a vacuous cacophony of hollow followers. I hoped that it wouldn't come to this; the boy that I found long ago had forgotten how to steer his course. Was the first time not enough to rid the shackles of your past? The emptiness and loss of meaning in life must have been deeper than I initially thought. The scars you bare so meticulously hidden from prying eyes, yet so visible to those that survived years of torment are constant reminders that each day is a long hard battle lost or won.

Where do you go from here can only be determined by your courage to find the fears that haunt shadow's daylight. For once the moonlit trees sway from bitter winds a depthless warrior awakens and a dragon king sleeps in his curse.

A Series of Fortunate Events

Maundy Thursday arrived like no other
A merry bunch to mingle and chatter
Conversations were struck underneath illuminating skies
Catching windswept tales of full-circle goodbyes
We filled up our bellies with cheeky hearty laughs
Giving thanks to host, hostess and Lizzie’s beefy cooking crafts.

We then gave our kisses and off we trotted arriving at a mansion
This is Philippines of course so being late is a fashion
Our host was kind and courteous and beaming with pleasure
When Sachi and I found his sumo suits a treasure
There we battled 3 times I won
It was a memorable night full of smiles and fun.

Good Friday upon us came road trip a frenzy
Firstly Marko and Ducati battling tools of plenty
A fuse that did not spark yet all was not lost
We still found our way despite a last minute clause
Onto the highway we ventured safe and true
Until a secret garden revealed the most inspiring view
Of Delightfully wrapped pleasures in cosy dinner treats
Straight into the hearts of those that love off beaten tracks
Made this trip ever more special with Cherryberry’s tuning beats.

Before heading back to wilderness of cityscape lights
It was time for roasted beans and insatiable bites
Bag them they did from local harvester’s arms
We patiently waited with no waiter in sight
So We Wrote What We Wanted With Wistful respite
Onto our table finally set before us
Aroma’s charms teasing our gastronomic lust
An apple pie with vanilla and strawberry milkshake galore
‘Twas my very own tickle-me-Elmo giggles I adore
Here at last was how I spent my days
Living freely to each their own way.

Ode to Mother Nature and Her Elixir Divine

I do not discriminate elixir...

From bubbly Armand de Brignac champagne to red and white wine
To rose, sparkling, vermouth, port, sherry and fruits divine

Some drink lager, cider, beer, porter, cooler, breezer, pilsner or stout,
Have no fear we’ll tickle your fancy without a doubt
To spirits and breweries in mead, ales and drafts
I love them all as sambuca rainbows and greenfairies Absinthe craft.

To crystal clear Belvedere vodka and infamous 1800 Coleccion tequila blackouts
There’s rum or whiskey Macallan for those precious eagle scouts
To sakes, lambanogs, dawas, piscos, soju and amarula
There’s gin or brandy and tipples a plenty

Liqueurs that dazzle and sometimes it’s a hassle
Because there’s so many to choose from
That songs of love were inspired by couples torn asunder

So if you think these potions spice up your life and make you wonder
Just remember far too many and the world spins about
Drink wisely and let your spirit roar
It’s my motto to try one and all
But in moderation that is what I adore.

Un-apology

Sometimes I think the person that ever truly understood me
Can only be reached far beyond the horizon.

When an overcast of gray clouds obstruct silver linings
I search for her.

Solace slips its tentacles past Khaos into the tantalising arms of Eros’ loving charms
Momentarily halting a piper’s piped catatonic trance.

Awakening from a wintery slumber
and barely into spring’s arrival
Shadows lurk in morning dew drops
A bittersweet symphony of existence
Forging eternal dances of sunlight and moonbeams.

These were the times I longed to have my soul sister around.

Time Immemorial Birthday

October 11, 2011



My dearest Natasha,

Four years have past and I want to
Thank you for appearing in my dreams.

I find myself at the edge of the world
Full of hope and inspiration.
I search for you in the breath of sunshine’s dawn
To wish you a glorious mortal birthday.
A tear wells up in my eye as I miss calling out your name
Happy Birthday my love
Your memory is engraved peacefully in my heart.

Love always,
Angel

Jaded Blinds

Jaded blinds relieve guilt from overwhelming truths
Filtering shades as tiny grubby fingers approach from shameless hunger
A walker shoos them away without a glance
As metallic ice resolves the hardened heart to march on
The child whimpers silently on a dampened sewage boulevard –
No one listens to her suffering.

She wipes her weary eyes watching
Jewel encrusted ladies clickity clack on Five inch heels
With heavenly silhouettes enticing Jupiter’s passions
For an evening in carnal pleasures
That fade away Monday Friday labour blues.

Tainted cherub runs besides them smiling
Her gaunt arms outstretched begging voiceless gestures
Repulsive caustic masks unhinge synthetic Zircons
As they huff and puff little princess away.

Empty handed she rests on sidewalk divine
Shortly after another group of dainties pass her by
No qualms in their footsteps save one who halted
Turning around then crouching down
The woman asks, “What’s your name little angel?”
She looks up and opens her mouth but no sound comes out
“Where’s your mama tonight sweetie?”
Little angel shrugs and rubs her tummy

“Let’s see what we can do about that rumbling belly.”

Tonight little angel finds no hunger
She sleeps on a mattress with other little angels
In an orphanage where sunny dispositions
Prevail over visors galore one day at a time.

How many more little angels do you see...
Will you help if you can or will you idly walk on by...
You cannot save them all but YOU CAN HELP.

All it takes is one.

Twin Flame

We glided across the universe in fractal colours glistening
Starlight lovers painting dreams with one true meaning
In love and light our twin flames reunited
Magnetising energy grids in violet blue blazing red.

With our kiss in the moonlight
With our hands clasped so tight
Into the unknown we conquer
Walking to barren deserts
building haven plantations
Galactic love ad infinitum.

Together apart together weaving figure eights in cosmic motion
Crushing black holes of gravity collapsing abysmal feeling
Stardust beings saturate nothingness instilling nuclear fusion
Supernovae plasma across the universe is Twin flames true love curse.

With our kiss in the moonlight
With our hands clasped so tight
Into the unknown we conquer
Walking to barren deserts
building haven plantations
Galactic love ad infinitum.

Sing to me again my love
Again over and over
Without end.

Dark Clouds

The afternoon sun with its sweltering heat had made his lips crack from dehydration. His whole body was caked with dirt, dried blood and beads of sweat trickled down his forehead. In an open courtyard surrounded by dilapidated stonewalls he stood with his hands tied behind a post.

He had lost everything.

As calculated as he was in all that he did there was one thing which didn’t add up. How could he have known it was going to end up like this. Would today be the beginning of his demise he wondered.

He went over the whole scenario again. One minute the courtyard was filled with friends and family celebrating a reunion and the next minute he was tied to a post.

“What the hell did I miss?!” He bellowed with sheer frustration.

“Absolutely nothing.” Rasped a voice.

“Who are you? Show yourself!” He barked.

“Have you forgotten what you bargained for many years ago. I’m here to collect your debt.” The voice sneered.

All of a sudden his eyes widened in alarm as he felt an eerie cold wind from behind and had sent shivers down his spine. He slowly cleared his throat and tried to muster up a calm voice but failed to conjure up a sound except for a high pitched squeak. He coughed and blood spewed out from his injured lip and he spat on the ground.

“I still have some time left. One year to be exact.” He hoarsely whispered.

“Perhaps so but that would be the case except you failed upon our agreed contract. Matter of fact, you don’t seem to remember what it was. Now this is a pleasant surprise especially coming from you. Even if you do remember by now what do you suppose I would want in exchange.” Laughed the voice.

*************

“Why did you show me that scene?” I asked the Guardian of the Sun.

“You will know what to do when the time comes. See its truth.” Smiled my guardian.

“Is this necessary? I thought we’re supposed to be working on me here and not anyone else.”

“You are, you being the operative word.” Chuckled the ancient spirit.

“Okay. Well, each has a role to play according to what I see. The consequences that arise are only the result of which these two parties have engaged in. The voice is at a clear advantage by cloaking himself in mystery even though the man at the post recognises him in the end. The voice does not show himself in order to continue exuding his power over the man and to break him down slowly. Whatever it was in that agreed contract must have contained a loophole which the man who’s tied to the post thought he could overcome. Aha! I see now why you showed me this.” I said calmly.

“Let us go to another place and time.” Replied my Sun Guardian.

I wondered whether the man would survive and if so, was there a way to prevent the inevitable from happening. And if not then the only solution was the hope that somehow he’d find a way to free himself from that post or figure out the loophole in the contract.

“Sometimes you care too much without knowing how that will affect you during battle.” Consoled the ancient being.

“I am a woman in this present life for a reason. It’s in my nature to care regardless of anything else. And don’t get mad I just called the rains to come now. He’s entitled to drink some water.” I said matter-of-factly.

“That will not change anything,” paused my guardian as he quizzically stared at me and continued saying, “even if the ropes do get wet. There is little or no chance of him escaping.”

“A little goes a long way.” I retorted and smiled.

Roaring Silence

The spirit of the wind had taken me to various moments in time and as the points intersected in my life I had used intuition as well as my heart to fully be present. I needed to find out the reality of it all. The truth that I had been searching for.

Weaving dreams into a tapestry of life slowly began to take form. I was never going to understand it all. What I had gathered was its acceptance.

Today marks another awakening.

Riding on the waves of Mother Nature, I sought refuge between her slipstreams. The signs were everywhere. And upon reflection breaking links in its infancy was necessary for growth. I had seen the possibilities of what its path brought and it was the only way of saving another life. Lives for that matter. I could not bear to go down that road again and not listen to my council. Something had to be done. Removing myself from the picture was how the forces led me to my decision.

It was better this way.

I had found a way to help without physically being there.
Sometimes past lifetimes were only meant to be remembered by the chosen few. “He’s still a sleeping dragon,” I said to my Wind Guardian, “only waking from slumber through eyes of broken souls and dozing off again.”

“He will come in many forms through vessels which only you recognise. Watch him. Observe his actions. And do not interfere in his awakening. It is time for you to be reborn again. To focus on your training. Let us walk away for now. The true one will reveal himself in time.” Replied the Wind.

So this is what nature meant by unbiased council. “Couldn’t I just do this alone.” I wondered. And without waiting for Wind’s response I remembered there were some things that needed no explanation.

I walked the Universe with nature’s messengers and revel in how much I have grown to love this world all over again.

What I held so close to my heart after eons of cycles was released into the air. I had found myself again in the midst of it all. It was never about him that I searched for but the lessons I needed to learn.

I purged the last remnants of blocked energy within and listened for the thunder. Slowly it rained harder and harder it poured. I stood in silence as the water cleansed my spirit and gathered my energy. It was in that moment the sky trembled.

Meadow's Mirror

I rest in contemplation by the meadow

Allowing my body to heal in time for the next voyage.

Equipped with newly acquired skills and a softening of the heart,

I regard in wonder how valuable my journey has been thus far.


Lost in thoughts gazing at the world

I swim in the depths of infinity’s treasures

Reaching out to find my true self all over again

Making plans for soul-lessons today

As there was never a thought more satisfying than to

Realise the understanding of the non-understanding—

A truth that smiles for the challenges I face.


That as much as I was protecting those around me

I had forgotten the most important reality of all...

The links of my soul brothers and sisters who guard my own light

And why we share the love for one another—

It is recognising our own selves in the mirror.

Blue Flame

From North, South, East to West,
I spent infinite sunrises with you
And gazed at diamonds in the night sky

From Mt. Rainier, Kilimanjaro, Mt. Apo and Mont Blanc
I found myself soaring above in peaceful silence
And like an eagle pierced the hidden valleys

From Atlantic, Indian and Pacific oceans
I poured my soul into your shores
And wept for sorrows endless pain

From the Negev, Arabian and Sahara deserts
I guided lost travelers in search of their compasses
And I found my own oasis amongst them

The wind, the sun, the moon and rain
Whisper softly to my seeking heart
And my soul walks to where my spirit roars

Now I return to where it all began
With Blue Flame’s Sword in me
Africa you howl at harvest moon’s end.

Thank you

I had seen this possibility in one of my dreams and when all came to pass I was left with a day to remember.
I doubt that I’d ever see his face again but I could still sense him miles away.
There was a darkness in his manner yet finely masked with airs of practiced smiles;
A slight bitterness perfumed his calculated words.
I wondered how to reach into the labyrinth of his heart
For here in front of me stood a man in need of trust.
There was something keeping him shackled to the past and I had little time to navigate the conversation
But whatever it was, had changed his colours.

He wasn’t looking for friendship but I tried nonetheless.
We continued to stand next to each other surveying the landscape before us
And that was when I felt his longing of escape from his reality.
It was the beauty in seeing the world that to him going back meant reliving what was buried and recounting memories better left unspoken.
Never did he forget what happened.

He would not allow me to see this part of himself and yet it was all he ever showed.
I wanted to hug him and say, “I’m here for you as a friend for that is all I can give you, for now,”
But I didn’t and the moment had gone.
That was the last time I saw him and to this day I still think of him and wonder if he’s okay now and if he’s found little things that make him happy or if he found his way back to himself again.

So I thank him and I thank you for showing me -- unexpected kindness does matter.

Guiding Light

My spirit had landed on a dhow boat in the middle of the ocean.

I could see my own ship towering to the left side with its white sails blowing in the wind.

Three of my crewmen had decided to accompany me and investigate the mystery of the sinking boat.

I relayed orders to my men and they set about searching every nook and cranny.
Something was amiss—

I felt a presence down below and proceeded through a door that led to a long hallway.

As I started walking, I peered through each of the doors and found nothing inside;
Only empty spaces or broken furniture covered in dust.

My heart was beating faster as the water started rising above my feet.

I quickened my pace, but fear had slowly crept in my being.

What lay behind the last door that suddenly made my body want to take flight?

I was running out of time for my inner guide had whispered a sense of urgency to open the door and proceed to the top deck.

Refusing to give up I opened the last door and found a small ragged boy covered in dirt and a captain’s uniform.

He was surprised to see me but said nothing, only looking up at me with eyes that said his innocence was lost beyond measure.

I reached out my hand and smiled and said, “Come with me, I found your hat, it’s upstairs. You can put it on once we get to the top.”

He shook his head and I crouched down and opened my arms and we hugged for a moment.

“I am here now. Let’s get your ship sailing again.”

By the time we reached the top deck the little dhow boat was barely afloat.

My crew was ready to pull me back to my own vessel when I whistled to the wind and gently uttered five words... “Give him back his hat.”

And the ragged boy grinned for the first time and the dhow boat transformed into a magnificent ship.

“Farewell my dear one and see you soon,” as I sailed away into the universe.

Unveiling Gentleness

Wrapped in its constancy I ascended the treacherous mountain
A strange feeling lingered.
Careless thoughts began to arise,
Relinquishing vows and severing links from broken Past—
Retribution for misguided sufferings
Vengeful cries shrouded in festering wounds
Be GONE you mischievous fog!
I see you cloaked in shadow’s veil
Luring my vulnerability to hopeless being.

I could just be as you want me
But my body endures and takes each painful step to higher ground.
I know not what lay ahead of this path
And yet the only voice I regard is the sound of my beating heart.

My parched lips stung from dehydration
As I painstakingly breathed in the crisp air
Oh such agony!

Keep on walking I hear.
Keep on walking.
Must keep walking.

Time stretched an eternity when suddenly a force hit me,
I could almost feel the peak being near
Two small steps brought me to a sight unimaginable
As I stood at the broken stones
The unveiling gentleness of the fog lifted before me
And there at last was the sacred tree I longed for.

Here lies my beloved dream.
Memories flooding through
And I remember us once more.

Unlocking ancient memories

I rested my head against the coolness of the rock as I lay wounded from combat.
Slowly I turned to look over my shoulder at my enemy.
He had a deep gash from his left chest running down to his thigh but he was still upright.
I fought even when I had no more strength left in my body,
Only my spirit guiding my movements as I feint and parried his attacks.

I had underestimated my opponent and without a strategy
I had lost a battle that could have been my victory,
for I advanced when I should have first assessed the situation.
Failing to see the trap set before me, I walked into the deception.
In my haste I ignored the wrenching feeling that gripped my heart for I only
Heard the screaming cries from the two women tied on the ground.
I tried to sense the energies around me and noticed their souls take a flight into the darkness.
With my last remaining incantation I set their spirit free from the shackles of my enemy
And passed out.

The last memory I had was my twin flame using his own energy to heal my wounds.
I felt his love and sadness within my soul.
By the time I woke up the world around me had changed once again and my twin flame
Was nowhere to be found but I could feel him come alive stronger than ever.
Did he fight against my enemy, where did he go, and why was his presence so far away…

Blue Diamond

As I stood by the lake my reflection shimmered underneath the crescent moon
A season had come and gone
And I could feel my outer shell being discarded in this time of growth.

In my infinite travels I realised that I only sought my reflection to better understand who I was, Who I am now and who I want to be.
I wanted to visit the places I held dearly
For each passage was ventured with fervour.
My soul whispers close to my heart and speaks of the experiences it wants to learn
And my determination fuelled by forgotten dreams.
The world is my mirror and inside me the universe.

In a crypt lie the hopes once webbed by eternal twin flames.
Their innocence torn by vengeful cries from sleeping wolves
Once they walked the path of equal measure
In their polarities balancing their true nature
A separation allowing growth in their beings
Only to reunite once again and ignite their fire.

I looked up towards the moon and gave thanks for the memories in time.
And I acknowledged I am the blue diamond, the Tanzanite in this realm.
Whether I walk alone my heart still belongs to the man in the black armour.

In your loving memory Natasha

Natasha my love I have not forgotten you.
Three years I know have gone in a blink of an eye and
I just couldn’t come up with the words in which to express myself this time.
I know I have been disappearing once in a while
As I focus on the calling of the Universe.

My spirit has been traveling extensively
And you’ll be happy to know that I am mastering my skills.
I sometimes forget to work on myself but you have seen to that
And I am bombarded with messages linking me back home.
It’s just that there are so many who need help.

I know I cannot do it alone—
and I am ever grateful to meet others who walk alongside me.
I guess I cannot hide who I am anymore,
For as I get closer to another awakening
Others are recognising me from an era left in slumber.

Thank you for visiting me once in a blue moon.
I always learn something new upon your arrival.
I carry your strength within
As this has allowed me to reach out further than ever before.
Your stories will be remembered
As you watch me make our dreams come true.


Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will remain here
For there are moments when my heart would skip a beat—
frozen in its intensity as I gasp for air letting the pain subside
And I am constantly reminded of my mortality with this current vessel.

I know I have been through so many life and death situations
That I lost count to the numbers and chances I am given.
So I want you to know how I feel…

In this lifetime I will complete my mission
And when my last breath awaits me on this earth
I know you will be there as I was with you long ago.
Smile with me Natasha as I make a better world starting with your memory.

Breathe

Sometimes the universe inside my head needs to sit still
To leave my animal instincts behind and just breathe in mother nature.
When I do not move, I slowly arrive in my own equilibrium
And the closer I feel to being home once again.

I used to think that nothing would extinguish the shadow flames of hatred
Locked deep inside the roots of tortured desires,
And I admit I have chased after the supernovae of this realm
To erase the existence of memories stirring.

Yet barely a shimmer of life left in the sky—
did I remember who I was.
From the darkest existence did I remain glowing in blue flames.
Never wavering, forever silent.

Thrown deep within the Hidden Forest of Illusions,
There I was surrounded by the guardians of darkness ready to consume my sacred light;
The fight for me was all I ever known.

That one glint of faith in my spirit had struck at the core of nothingness
And each step I took another minion would befall in front of me.
Slowly I battled what felt like eternity,
And I would stand motionless in between struggles—
All this to keep my light radiating.

For one day is all it takes to just breathe.

Strength

Withered leaves crumble underneath my bare feet
as I clumsily walked through the lush forest.
I could feel each stinging sensation of the thorns
engraving tiny marks all over my body and I moved on
without hesitation.

Lost without a trail in sight and no light to guide my way,
I stopped to momentarily catch my breath.
No sense of direction or landmark to distinguish one tree from another
I turned around and cried for help.
My ears strained to listen for any sounds apart from my own but to no avail
it was only silence that surrounded me.

Turn back...turn back turn back were the words racing through my mind.
Calm down and breathe were the thoughts that followed next.

I allowed my breathing to slow down, to centre my whole being with the universe
and to allow my inner guide to lead me out of this forest.

Slowly and a will full of determination,
I found the paved road leading to a lush valley.
And there I saw once again the light of the sun
embracing my body with warmth.

A new dawn
an everlasting light
a profound sense of hope.

TrUe C o N f E s S i O n S

I'm afraid I'll get hurt again,
that – I will lose control of my emotions,
that – if I trust him he'll use it against me.

Yes, I've been hurt.
Yes, my spirit was destroyed.
Yes, my heart was broken into a million pieces.
Yes, I allowed my soul to scatter throughout the universe.

And yet here I am
Asking the universe for true love
So that I may love myself unconditionally more each day
and when I have stopped searching for myself,
I awaken my spirit once again
and ignite my BLUE FLAME.

I have yet to shine brightly.
I have yet to summon my courage.
I have yet to be unselfish.

Now I let the light through me,
now I let courage fill my lacking,
now I become more giving.

With the world as my mirror
give me the strength to look in the eyes of the man
and--pierce through his soul
and the reflection I long to see be my own.