Breathe

Sometimes the universe inside my head needs to sit still
To leave my animal instincts behind and just breathe in mother nature.
When I do not move, I slowly arrive in my own equilibrium
And the closer I feel to being home once again.

I used to think that nothing would extinguish the shadow flames of hatred
Locked deep inside the roots of tortured desires,
And I admit I have chased after the supernovae of this realm
To erase the existence of memories stirring.

Yet barely a shimmer of life left in the sky—
did I remember who I was.
From the darkest existence did I remain glowing in blue flames.
Never wavering, forever silent.

Thrown deep within the Hidden Forest of Illusions,
There I was surrounded by the guardians of darkness ready to consume my sacred light;
The fight for me was all I ever known.

That one glint of faith in my spirit had struck at the core of nothingness
And each step I took another minion would befall in front of me.
Slowly I battled what felt like eternity,
And I would stand motionless in between struggles—
All this to keep my light radiating.

For one day is all it takes to just breathe.

Strength

Withered leaves crumble underneath my bare feet
as I clumsily walked through the lush forest.
I could feel each stinging sensation of the thorns
engraving tiny marks all over my body and I moved on
without hesitation.

Lost without a trail in sight and no light to guide my way,
I stopped to momentarily catch my breath.
No sense of direction or landmark to distinguish one tree from another
I turned around and cried for help.
My ears strained to listen for any sounds apart from my own but to no avail
it was only silence that surrounded me.

Turn back...turn back turn back were the words racing through my mind.
Calm down and breathe were the thoughts that followed next.

I allowed my breathing to slow down, to centre my whole being with the universe
and to allow my inner guide to lead me out of this forest.

Slowly and a will full of determination,
I found the paved road leading to a lush valley.
And there I saw once again the light of the sun
embracing my body with warmth.

A new dawn
an everlasting light
a profound sense of hope.

TrUe C o N f E s S i O n S

I'm afraid I'll get hurt again,
that – I will lose control of my emotions,
that – if I trust him he'll use it against me.

Yes, I've been hurt.
Yes, my spirit was destroyed.
Yes, my heart was broken into a million pieces.
Yes, I allowed my soul to scatter throughout the universe.

And yet here I am
Asking the universe for true love
So that I may love myself unconditionally more each day
and when I have stopped searching for myself,
I awaken my spirit once again
and ignite my BLUE FLAME.

I have yet to shine brightly.
I have yet to summon my courage.
I have yet to be unselfish.

Now I let the light through me,
now I let courage fill my lacking,
now I become more giving.

With the world as my mirror
give me the strength to look in the eyes of the man
and--pierce through his soul
and the reflection I long to see be my own.

Addiction

I need L o V e for without it, I am but an empty vessel.

Sometimes I long to know the purest essence of loving unconditionally.
To know that I too, am what you are feeling.
And when it does not happen, a slight pinch occurs in my heart.
An aching so miniscule yet it reverberates all around me.

I cannot pretend that it means nothing.
I cannot lie to myself that I do not need it.
I know that it is only transient in what I am experiencing
and so, I whisper, “I love you,” in silence and depart to the horizon.

Today I learn to love myself more and I know I can be better.
Only when I learn to truly listen to life, will the door open once again.

I am the key.

Full Circle

What I want....

I want to feel the wind in my hair and how the sunlight glistens on my body.
I want the man standing in front of me smiling and his eyes twinkling with mischief.
I want the touch of his hand on my face while his other hand caressing my back firmly.
I want my body to feel electrified just from his stare alone.
I want my heart to race as I try to catch my breath.
I want to feel safe in his arms and as we embrace so tightly, I lose myself in the process.
I want to captivate him as much as he has enchanted me.
I want to feel that aching in my being that this is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life.

Where is he....

I need to stop.
I need to let go and stop searching the world
for in my heart as of this moment
the only person worth searching for is--
ME.

Reflection

Series of thoughts.....

The feeling I am searching for....

is one in which I do not want to miss any more.
Let me close my heart, my eyes, my body, my soul
for when I become nothing, I become everything.

I still yearn in my weakest moments the feeling of being touched to the core.
A soft caress on the nape of my neck from his fingers,
as he slowly runs it down my back.
An embrace filled with so much passion and love
that it pierces through the very centre of my soul.

His eyes staring intensely in mine
and seeing oceans of time passing by.

I can still feel him,
watching, staring, screaming.
In silence he visits in the darkness.
The piercing cries fill my vessel
resonating his pain.

I wake up shivering in cold sweat
shaken and sorrowful I feel.

My guardian once said to me,
watch him closely.
Do not interfere in his awakening.
Let him learn the hard way of rebirth.
The once ragged boy you see will, if he so chooses
turn into the man you see.

So that was when I let him go. I let them all go.
No more shall I want.
I close my eyes again
for when I open them
I look into the mirror and all I see is me.

I stand alone smiling and continue on my journey.

Survival

It is a strange feeling knowing and seeing of what is yet to be
There was a time when it used to hurt
How the fear would stop me cold and the hairs of my body would stand on end.
The darkness used to paralyse the little will power I had left and leave me shivering--drenched in my own sweat.
Having the presence watch as I lay awake drowning in thoughts and succumbing to the quick sand of negativity.
Be it day or night, there was no escape for me.
No haven to shelter a lost soul.
So much torment, too many wandering feelings nearby and all this were not all mine.
I was sensitive to the world around me.
I could feel the beating of the universe.
There was no other way but to move on and be stronger.
I took what was only necessary and sought balance of the moon and stars in my soul.
My time comes ever closer
as I can feel that something anew shall bring a change to my destiny.
I write my present, I see my future, both without beginning or end and I am learning of being more thankful to the NOW.
May the love and light grow stronger for what I am yet to face ahead.
My true awakening.

Desert Rose

I can tell from your eyes to where you want to go.
For I have been to the distant constellations to see you once again.
Through space and time I travel whispering softly into your waking dreams.
There is nothing that I would not do to cast the shadows away from here.

Do you recall when we first met in the desert so long ago,
as you searched endlessly for the compass you once lost.
It was your calling and the sorrow in your being that guided my spirit to you.

Over the centuries we gathered our energies and intertwined our memories
from the nothingness of our beings.
Shattered and torn you were at the anger in your soul
Tormented by a haunting of emptiness without a beginning or end.
And there you were lost without hope,
full of remorse and regret.

Your silent tears is what I remember most.
The inner child of purity slowly decaying amongst the living dead.
This is when the universe sends me forth to you as I have done for countless others.

Let us take a breath of imagination into a world of rising suns.
Drink the water from the oasis of the desert to fill your soul with a new awakening.
Recapture the essence of the purpose of being.
Be here with me now as I point to the stars as a guide in your journey.
It is within you will the path open wide.

And when you feel the mists of doubts have cleared the valley,
take with you the light that you found in the desert.
Move forward and remember what you have learned.
For every moment of solitude a revelation shall appear before you
as you have FINALLY let go and set your spirit free.

Summon a messenger

The last remaining few had stayed behind
as they stood on top of the sacred mountain.
Far above from the sounds of battle that lay below were silenced in
mystic chanting to summon the messenger of the g-ds.

The young king had barely been crowned when the conquistadors had invaded
their hidden civilisation. Now as he looked at the ancient alter while singing the
scripture for the Guardian Angel, his eyes lifted towards the setting sun.

A small drop of doubt had passed through the eye of a needle containing his soul
and as the negative energy rippled in the lake of his being,
the young king's universe echoed a fear so strong and time was suspended in the final vibrations
of uncertainty.

His people had stopped their prayers and knew the battle had just begun.
A battle that only he could overcome.

“I am so scared. What can I do now to summon the messenger?” whispered the young king.

From a voiceless sound he felt his heart pause in beat as another energy jolted in unison to his beating pulse.

“I must believe the guardian will come. The messenger is already here. She has been watching
all along. I summon you my lady as one of the guardians of the Universe, please
help us defeat the one ancient who can only be destroyed by you.”

A distant voice softly spoke, “and what will you gain from my appearance?”

“Nothing. Only to continue to learn the ancient ways of life and to be the keepers
of your secrets so that one day our children here will share it to the world.”

“Then speak my true name and I shall appear before you.”

And the young king bespoke a name that only he remembered as the last rays of sunlight
faded into the night.; a shimmering glow started to appear atop of the mountain and there he stood
with his people rejoicing in summoning one of the most beloved of all messengers of the Universe.

The current of wind and moonlight

All I had on was a white shirt that barely covered the lower half of my body but
I did not care, as something inside my soul had guided me towards the balcony.
I reached for the sliding door and as I opened it, a gust of wind welcomed my presence.
The eye of the storm had taken another direction and was heading north
as the city lay in slumber in the early hours of the morning.
I slowly inhaled the scent of the air and with it my body felt the power of nature.
My eyes were fixated on a speck of light up in the gray skies as the clouds moved swiftly
towards my right.
It was the shimmer of light that caused my heart to jump with recognition as I connected
once again with two ancient forces.
I blew a soft whistling sound at the wind so that I could meet the full moon once again.

And as the greeting of my sound resonated towards the sky,
the clouds parted for a brief moment to welcome the magnificence
of the moonlight shining upon my face.

“Here we are again,” I whispered silently to the moon.
“Has it been a year since I last gazed upon your beauty?” I wondered.

“It has not,” was the response I understood from the moon as she instantly appeared brighter before my very eyes.

I gently spoke in a language in which my heart knew
as I listened to the ancient sounds locked inside me.
I carefully opened them one by one as I had remembered to focus my divine light.
The thoughts flowed into wordless meanings as I quietly observed the clouds blanket my beloved moon.

“Please, don't go yet, let me see her one more time,” my spirit pleaded as it reached out to the wind.

The wind allowed my heartfelt request and for a brief minute I was able to be mesmerized by the moon once again.

“Help me receive the Divine Creation by casting away the shadows that diminish my light. I need the strength to gather my being into oneness as I had spread it out to the far depths of the universe.” My soul cried.

“Let me not destroy myself once again as I had done eons before this present time. I am different now. I feel that there is much love and hope here. The changes in my soul have ignited my spirit to draw in the most powerful of forces to save the ones that need it most. Let my vessel receive the message of the universe in its purest form. Let my energy reverberate wherever I go so that even those that lay in the abyss of darkness feel my light and presence eternally. So that one day, they too will go beyond the horizon.”

With this last feeling my keys locked the door once more to the gates of arcane connection.
I breathed in the scent of the air and the link returned to its normal state and as I stepped back into the apartment, my soul's blue flame returned to violet once more.