I do not know how it comes to be. I cannot say where it comes from. And most of all I have no idea how long it lasts. But what I do know is that I feel the endless cycles within me. Every so often a surmountable void engulfs my entire being. I am neither happy nor sad. And I wonder why I become like this. Everyone goes through it. We all can relate to this and yet some go through it more than others.
The darkness within is but a reflection of the universe. The vast space that is devoid of nothing we can scientifically describe as of yet. It is that abyss which I feel inside. I am alive, I am sure of it. Although I am aware of what is around me, there is a detachment that is so profound that I push my thoughts to the absolute ending. That point to show me what I am searching for. The contradiction of feeling nothing to needing to wanting to know one self is something that is driving my own existence. Is this the thought which has come full circle all those years ago? The thought in which I have asked myself infinitely in this lifetime. The idea of how life came into being.
This is why I love Africa, my sanctuary, my Kenya. I would have never found out more about myself had I not come to live here. There is a presence here that allows me to feel so close to the universe. An elemental nature still untouched by the rest of the world. This is me deconstructing the temporary solutions to my void.
I try to fill in whatever it is that my being needs and wants. I live in the moment of now and I appreciate it all. At least I try better each day to. I have all the time in the world even though I know physically that is not true and yet I smile blissfully within because when I live in the moment, it is infinite. No space or time. I am only being.
Sometimes I let the darkness take me to places where there is no light to escape from. I allow myself to fully feel the loneliness, anger, hatred, the fear and I will just be there waiting trying to figure out why I am still here. At other times there are no emotions, only existing in the darkness. And then with the darkness comes an explosion of an energy bursting into light. A balance of existing polarities. As of yet the universe seems to have more darkness than light. It is so vast and unknown to us presently that it is absolutely amazing that we are living, existing, here right now. A bit of stardust we have in all of us. The heaven and hell we create for ourselves in our own world. The evolution of our existence reflected in every aspect of our microcosm life are, only mirrors to the nature of the universe.
So I will just be. I free myself each day to live how I want to live. To find what is true for my own being. To open the endless possibilities of imagination and to not give up my dreams. Only I can do this. Only I can be one with myself.
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10 comments:
The I-Ching and view of the Tao is more like it by Lao Tzu actually. Self-knowledge and self-mastery are the primary Taoist accomplishments. Good thing you spelled check for me. Will remove the extra "C". Everyone is a walking contradiction and all views I consider---intriguing.
Aren't we all living in a strange world? Just seen with different eyes. Hence the eclecticism.
A monk once said to me, "most interesting, you are."
By the way, Christine, I'd like to read more of your philosophical stuff, however "other worldly". Used to write some too, like on Determinism, the mind, self perfection and so on. We could exchange articles via email. What do you say?
Sure let's do an "exchange a blog". So activate your blogspot so I can see some of your work. Anything that stimulates my mind is what interests me.
Ok: look up the blog
http://mysticrealism.blogspot.com
I intend to include anything from philosophy to comics.
Just sent u a comment on your blog. BTW the color on your blog is making me dizzy. And what animal is that? What are you doing with it? The picture is not fully clear. And you think I'm strange. Lol.
I've changed the colour scheme on my blog. See whether the new one is more bearable. The animal? Why, for an expert in I-ching and Taoism, surely you must be familiar with beastly ying and yang?
Add more posts to your blog, so that we can deliberate on them. I'll be doing the same to mine. You raised issues that I'll be addressing.
Now now joseph, I never claimed such a thing. Looks like your feeding milk?
According to the tenements of I-ching, beastly Ying and Yang is all around us, and it's power can be drawn on at any one time by the human.
yes i know about the yin and yang, but i asked you about your photo and the animal. and you jumped straight into 'josephology'... did you hurt it? was it hurt or were you trying to feed it?
I'm I reading some sentimentality to animals in your queries, Christine? Because if I am, you can rest easy: no animals were harmed during that photography. As to what exactly was happening then, I'll leave that to your imagination.
Incidentally, "Josephology" sounds real cool. Might even call one of my future articles that.
Put in another post about your darker self, or your greyish perceptions, and we'll bisect it right here.
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